She Should Have Known
by whiteblossom143
Summary: When your boyfriend doesn't turn up for breakfast, forgets to walk you to Potions, practically ignores you in said Potions lesson and then makes up pathetic excuses to get out of spending time with you  you know something's wrong. JL


_A/N – So, another one-shot. __Yes, I know, I have a serious problem with keeping these things short and sweet as one-shots probably should be. Unfortunately you may find this one long and bitter. Ha! No, not really. Sorry, I should never try and make jokes should I? Please, shoot me now. Anyhoo, bad jokes aside, I hope that even though it's quite long – you still think it's sweet. I'll let you be the judge…_

She should have known

She should have known. She should've seen it coming. Really, at times she could be so naïve it was as though she was walking around with a blindfold on.

Earlier that morning Lily had been sitting at the Gryffindor table, alone, with her arms folded over her chest and her eyes fixed on the double doors at the end of the Great Hall, as though waiting for something, or some_one_. Not many people were up this early in the morning but those few who _did_ manage to get out of bed and down to breakfast before the rest of the school were the regulars and Lily had become accustomed to seeing them at the start of every day.

Dumbledore was always the first to breakfast, usually on his third piece of toast by the time Lily entered, and Professors McGonagall, Sprout and Madam Hooch sat in their places making idle chit-chat, intellectual conversation being quite beyond even Dumbledore at seven in the morning. There was Jeremiah Turnpike, Severus Snape and Harrison Bulstrode sitting at the Slytherin table. Representing the Ravenclaws were Nancy Simon and Osama Harrell, both with their heads buried in a text-book as they almost invariably were every morning in preparation for any upcoming tests. All the Hufflepuffs appeared to have the right idea and were still warm in their beds, leaving the long table completely bare.

And then there was the Gryffindor table, and on this table Lily sat all alone. This in itself was a most unusual occurrence. You see, every morning for the past month Lily had been joined in the mornings by her boyfriend James Potter and to see one without the other these days was just unheard of.

Lily had always been an early riser. At home she liked to get up and have breakfast while she could still hear Petunia snoring upstairs just so she wouldn't have to bump into her in the mornings and endure that awkward tension which had drifted between them like a chilly mist. She was just in the habit of doing so and for the past six and a bit years, seeing Lily eating alone at the Gryffindor table this early in the morning wouldn't have been so unusual. But since she had officially become 'Girlfriend to the one and only Mr James H. Potter' (a title he had made up himself and which had met several scoffs from both Lily and the other Marauders) a few weeks ago, James had found it remarkably easy to heave himself from the comfort of his bed if it meant spending the morning with her.

She could tell he wasn't used to the early start since most mornings she'd have to stop him from putting a spoonful of jam into his tea instead of sugar. But despite all the sighs and eye-rolling, Lily couldn't deny how much she appreciated his company. Even when he hadn't managed to quite shake out of his sleepy daze, he was still there every morning, without fail; cracking jokes, filling up her plate with food for her, entertaining her with ridiculous tales from the 7th year Gryffindor boys' dormitory…but this morning he _had_ failed to show up.

And it hadn't gone unnoticed. Lily and James' recent relationship had caused quite a stir at Hogwarts for obvious reasons. It was a well-known fact amongst the students that Lily was a sweet, benevolent individual who could be depended on for anything, but when James put himself in her path (which he frequently did) she would suddenly transform into a banshee with a temper to rival McGonagall's. Recently however, something had most definitely changed between the two of them. Well, something had changed with Lily anyway; James was just as infatuated as he had always been. And to everybody's surprise, Lily had agreed to go out with him. It was only fair really, as James had told her, since he _had _deflated his over-large ego and stopped hexing people just for the hell of it as she'd specifically requested. "And who could resist such a charming fellow?" he'd added with a grin, earning him a full day of glaring and no kisses whatsoever which inevitably led to him begging her for forgiveness for his arrogance.

So when Lily came into the Great Hall without her boyfriend, people did spot the difference. Who could fail to miss James Potter wherever he went? The ladies up at the staff table were quietly commenting on this strange event, wondering what on _earth _could have prevented James from accompanying the 'light of his life' (another name James liked to use instead of the conventional 'Lily') to breakfast. Even Nancy and Osama had peered up from their books, having noticed the lack of laughter from the Gryffindor table. Severus Snape was shamelessly staring at Lily now, unlike the usual sneaking glances he'd cast in her direction every morning, and for anyone sitting close enough to see the glint in his dark eyes it was clear that he was pleased to see Lily without her boyfriend for once.

But Lily didn't care about what anyone else was doing. All she cared about was James, and why he hadn't turned up that morning in the common room where they always met up before going down to breakfast together now. Lily didn't like to think of herself as needy, she most certainly didn't need a man to make her, but she really couldn't help fretting over his absence. It had been hard enough restraining herself from climbing the stairs to his dorm to see where he'd gotten too, and Lily was starting to think that she had become a little too dependant for her own liking. How was it that a few months ago she would have gladly left him to rot in the deepest, darkest circle of hell and yet now she couldn't even eat breakfast without him? It was pathetic really, just pathetic. But that didn't stop it from being true. The food on the Gryffindor table remained untouched as Lily sat there in the hope that James would suddenly rush in with his robes on inside out, equipped with an apology and the explanation that his alarm hadn't gone off or something.

She was waiting in vain. Other students were entering the hall now and the Gryffindor table gradually filled up around her. A couple of girls from her dorm came to sit with Lily and asked why James wasn't with her, but Lily just shrugged and carried on waiting. It was only when she realised she had to be in Arithmancy in five minutes did Lily finally accept that James and the rest of the Marauders weren't coming for breakfast. And she _still_ hadn't eaten anything. Grabbing a plain piece of toast from the rack on the table, Lily swung her bag onto her shoulder and strode out of the hall.

None of the Marauders were in Lily's Arithmancy class and she wouldn't be able to see James until afterwards when he'd meet her outside the classroom to walk her to potions.

But James wasn't there after Arithmancy to walk her to Potions, and Lily dragged herself to the dungeons alone. She was beginning to wonder how on earth she'd coped before dating James. She couldn't remember ever feeling this lonely but for the past few weeks she'd been with him almost constantly and it was odd not having him there all of a sudden.

"Lily! Hey Lily! LILY!"

Someone was yelling from somewhere in the crowd of students moving through the hallway and Lily whipped about expectantly.

"Oh, hi Mary," she said in disappointment at the sight of her dark-haired friend's beaming face.

"No need to sound so happy to see me Lily, really. You're delight is almost overwhelming."

"Sorry," said Lily, smiling. She really was happy to see her best friend, it made her feel a lot less lonely now; but if she was honest, she had been expecting to see James running after her. "But you haven't seen James have you?"

"He was up in the library with Belle Cartwright last I saw," said Mary. "But he'll be in Potions, don't worry."

In the library with Belle? What was he doing in the library with a Ravenclaw girl? And a very _pretty _Ravenclaw girl at that? Not that it really mattered, Lily wasn't jealous or anything, James was free to talk to whoever he wanted. But if she was honest, it _did _matter when James kept on forgetting about his girlfriend. Lily gave the best smile she could muster.

"Why would I worry?" she said with forced cheer in her tone.

She hated herself for feeling like this; hated it that she missed him after a few hours without him, hated it that she was worrying because he wasn't spending _every_ hour with her. He was his own person after all, as was she, so what was the problem? They were both free to spend some time apart – she should've thought about that.

They entered the dungeon and Lily pulled her robes tighter about her as the cool, damp air struck her face. Lily only had a few seconds to scan the classroom for James and she saw him sitting at the back, his head bent low as he whispered hurriedly to his friends.

"Ah, Miss Evans, Miss Lay, please take a seat," said Slughorn in his customary joyful tone.

James raised his head at the sound of her name and he briefly caught her eye and gave a quick smile. But it was no more than that, not even a wink like he usually gave her from across the classroom, and she had to settle for that meagre greeting because he had already turned back to his friends and she had to sit down. She and Mary were the last to arrive since Lily had spent so long outside the Arithmancy classroom waiting for James, and so the only spare seats were at the front on the room, right next to Snape. Lily carefully avoided his eye as she set her bag down on the desktop. She hadn't properly spoken to him since she'd severed ties with him after that incident by the lake and she wasn't looking to mend their friendship any time soon. Since then he'd made it quite clear where his loyalty lay, and she always saw him trailing after Mulciber, Avery and the rest of those twisted Slytherins.

Potions was one of Lily's favourite subjects. She found it quite soothing and she'd always been one to pay attention to detail which made it perfect for her. This lesson however, she was feeling a little distracted for obvious reasons.

"Mr Potter, will you please stop talking and get on with your potion-making!" snapped Slughorn for the third time that lesson.

Slughorn rarely snapped at anyone, but James had a knack for driving the teachers up the wall. Lily carefully skinned her Shrivelfig and did her very best to pretend that she didn't mind her boyfriend practically ignoring her. But clearly she wasn't so convincing.

"What's up with you and Potter?" came a soft hiss from her right. "Lover's tiff?"

Lily looked up at Snape who continued to stir the contents of his cauldron as though he hadn't said a thing. If it hadn't been for the quick flicker of his eyes as he chanced a look at her, she would've thought she'd just been imagining him speaking to her.

"Just because we're going out, doesn't mean we have to spend every second together," Lily bit back, angry that someone clearly _had_ noticed James' sudden lack of attention.

Snape didn't say anything more for a few minutes, and Lily was relieved that he'd stopped questioning her. After a brief disturbance at the back of the classroom due to Peter's inability to follow the instructions which resulted in both he and Remus next to him losing their eyebrows, Snape whispered something to her again. She'd been so caught up in stopping Mary from adding her armadillo bile too soon that she missed what he'd told her entirely.

"What was that?" she asked with an exasperated sigh.

"I said, it sounds to me as though Potter's losing interest already."

Lily, who had been chopping up her daisy roots, felt the knife slip from her fingers and clatter onto the desk. But Snape didn't stop there.

"How long have you been going out now? A month is it? And if I remember correctly, Potter's never been in any relationship for more than a month."

He was right of course, James hadn't ever kept a girlfriend longer than a month, and everyone in the whole school knew it too. But Lily didn't want to think about it. James couldn't have lost interest in her already could he? They'd been having such a great time together!

_But you knew it would have to end some time, _said a nasty voice in the back of her head, _you knew he'd get tired of you at some point, he always does._

_No,_ she told herself firmly. _No, you're wrong! Only yesterday he was telling me how much he loved spending time with me._

But that nagging doubt was still lingering in the back of her mind and she was horrified to discover that her hands were trembling slightly. She wasn't the only one to observe this reaction.

"I'm sorry Lily," said Snape, sounding truly remorseful. "But you know what he's like, I tried to warn you about him-"

"Don't," Lily hissed. "Don't start that again Severus. You don't know James, so don't pretend you do."

"I thought _you_ knew him though," Snape insisted. "You said you _knew_ he was a 'bullying toerag' and next thing I know he's your boyfriend!"

"I was wrong," she said, staring determinately down at the contents of her cauldron. "I was wrong or he changed or something, but he's not like that."

"Maybe you weren't wrong," he said, not even bothering to pretend he was still working on his potion any more, but facing her fully with his eyes fixed upon her face. "Maybe it's _now_ that you're wrong – that you're mistaken in him. He's just going to dump you like all those other girls and then you'll see what he's really like and you'll see he can't be trusted-"

"_Shut up_," she said with frosty force. "Just _shut up_! Why do you keep doing this? You never used to be this spiteful! This _jealous_!"

"What do you mean by that?" he said sharply, looking nervous. "Why would I be jealous?"

"Because you know he has everything you want: Quidditch, friends, bravery-"

"I have bravery!" he said, looking angry now, though relieved too; as though he'd feared she was about to say something else. "I have more bravery then he'll ever have, I'm just not a fool like he is!"

"Who was the fool when you walked right in the path of danger and he saved you from it?" she reminded him. "I think it's pathetic how you keep on trying to make him into some sort of villain, it's about time you grew up as well."

She chanced a glance up at him but couldn't read the expression on his face – it was like a mask. He turned back to his cauldron and she turned back to hers where they continued to work as though nothing at all had passed between them.

"I was just trying to warn you," he said quietly, so quietly that Lily had to strain to hear it; but she did and although she could quite happily ignore him during that lesson, those words had left a seed of doubt within her which would grow gradually throughout the day until she could think of nothing else.

But for now Lily was content to tell herself that James would come back soon, as doting as ever, and she'd look back on this morning and think how silly she was to worry.

Unfortunately Slughorn had held Lily back at the end of the class to inform her of the time and date for the next Slug Club meeting, and she didn't have an opportunity to catch James before he left.

But when Lily walked into lunch, James was already surrounded by his friends and hadn't even bothered to save her a seat. Lily tried to pass it off as though she didn't mind, and walked straight by towards the other end of the table where Mary was waving frantically to her. She dropped her book bag and swung her legs over the bench.

"Hi!" she said with a smile. Unfortunately it had come out unnaturally high and Mary raised her eyebrows.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Dandy," said Lily, helping herself to the cheese and potato pie. "You?"

"Oh, I'm fine," she said.

Just as Lily raised a forkful of pie to her mouth, Mary spoke again.

"Everything going swimmingly with you and James?"

Lily choked on her food and coughed violently, earning herself a great deal of unwanted attention from other Gryffindors. Mary thumped her on the back and Lily, blushing as red as her hair, bent low over her plate and took a large gulp of pumpkin juice to clear her throat.

"Of course," she said hoarsely, eyes still watering. "Why shouldn't it?"

"No reason," said Mary lightly. "Just that I expected you to sit with him at lunch like you usually do. And at breakfast, and in Potions-"

"He's allowed to want a bit of space for a while Mary," said Lily irritably. Had the whole school noticed that something wasn't right between Lily and James? "I haven't got him on a leash."

"Alright, alright," said Mary a little defensively, holding up her hands in surrender. "I was only asking."

Lily attacked her pie this time with so much force that those around her were regarding her with something akin to alarm and had shifted away slightly. Mary, sitting patiently beside her for all of three minutes, couldn't control herself any longer.

"C'mon Lily," she groaned. "Anyone can see you're upset. What is it? Surely you can tell me?"

Lily paused for a moment, put down her cutlery and turned her head to the side to see James having a merry old time down the other end of the table with Sirius, Remus and Peter.

"So it is James?" asked Mary quietly. "What's he done? I'll hex him all the way to Dundee if he's done something to hurt you-"

Lily turned to her friend abruptly.

"He hasn't done anything Mary, honestly," she said, before smirking slightly. "But it's nice to know you're so protective of me. Where are you stashing the shiny armour polish oh Sir Knight?"

"I left it with my stead. No need for it if the damsel's not in distress for once."

Lily laughed and picked up her fork, hoping she'd managed to divert her friend. Pity she had such a stubborn friend.

"So, what it is it then? Has he been snogging other girls? Boys? _Teachers?_"

Lily made a face of disgust.

"There is something very wrong with you if you find the idea of my boyfriend kissing a teacher worse than him kissing another boy."

"I'd choose Bellatrix Lestrange over Professor Binns any day."

"Luckily I doubt you'll ever be forced to make that choice. Plus, is it possible to kiss a ghost?"

"Hmm, I don't know. Wait let me ask."

To Lily's horror, Mary yelled down the hall at the pearly-white form of Nearly-Headless Nick who had been hovering over the other end of the table, looking down mournfully at all the students enjoying a hearty lunch.

"Yes," he asked, looking extremely chuffed that someone had requested his company. "How may I be of service to you ladies?"

"Well," said Mary without any compunction, "Lily and I were just wondering-"

"Actually Mary was the only one doing any wondering-"

"Why you cheeky blighter! I believe it was _you_ who asked whether it was possible-"

"Yes, but I'm perfectly alright not knowing the answer. _You _called him over-"

Nick gave a loud sigh.

"What is this question you wish me to shed light on my dears? Only I'm an important man and do have other things to do you know."

"What, like floating over the food and sulking over the fact that you can't eat any of it?"

Nick huffed.

"Well if that's all then I'll just be go-"

"No wait," said Mary, as she and Lily tried to suppress their giggles. "I'm sorry Nick, I know you're a busy man but if you don't mind, _we _were just wondering whether it's possible for a ghost to make out with anyone?"

Several of the other people listening into the conversation laughed, but Nick looked a little miffed.

"'Make out'?" he said slowly. "What is this expression, 'Make out'?"

"You know," said Mary, "Snogging, kissing, to be in a passionate embrace with another's lips."

At this Nick's eyes widened and if ghosts could blush, Lily was sure he'd be the colour of a beetroot right now.

"I – I," he spluttered. "I'm afraid I don't know what you mean! And even if I did, this is _hardly _an appropriate subject for me to discuss with you!"

"Then you clearly _do_ know what I'm talking about," said Mary with a wide smile as Lily clamped her hands over her mouth to stop herself from laughing.

"Well I – I," Nick couldn't seem to say much more and so thought better of it. He turned around and sailed out of the hall as quickly as he possibly could.

"I guess we'll never know," said Mary lightly as Lily laughed.

"I don't know," said Lily. "We could always ask Moaning Myrtle, _she_ wouldn't mind talking about that kind of thing."

"No, but I bet she never had a good snog in her life, let alone in death."

"Oh don't be cruel," Lily chided.

"What? You know I'm right."

Lily could hardly deny it but she felt horrible talking like this about the ghost of a girl who had been bullied during her life _and_ afterwards in her death.

"So back to James," Mary said, causing the smile to slide right off Lily's face. Mary saw this. "Don't think you can distract me Lily, I want to know what's going on."

"_Nothing's_ going on," Lily insisted. "He hasn't done anything; it's just me making a mountain out of a mole-hill as usual."

"Well yes, you do have a tendency to do that," observed Mary, earning a side-long glare from Lily. "What? You do!"

"You're not helping."

"Sorry, I guess every worry has some sort of basis doesn't it? So tell me what's upsetting you."

"It's just…I don't know..."

"Hurry up, I haven't got all day you know."

"Wow," said Lily bitterly. "You should think about becoming a therapist, patience of a saint you have."

"Right, right. So you got as far as 'I don't know'. Anything more to add?"

Lily huffed, stealing herself to tell Mary her worries, but scared that she'd sound like a pathetic drab if she did. She finally resolved to tell her since Mary had been her friend for all of seven years and after every other side of Lily she'd seen – Lily as a pathetic drab would just be another persona to add to the list. Lily leaned in slightly to make sure only she and Mary were privy to the conversation.

"James hasn't talked to me all day," she said quietly. "And I _know_ he shouldn't have to but-"

"He's usually buzzing around you like a bee around honey?"

"Well," Lily hesitated. "Yeah, he is. And I sort of miss him already."

Mary grinned.

"Is that all?"

Lily looked up wide-eyed.

"What do you mean '_Is that all_'? _You _may think it's silly but I wouldn't be surprised if he was off snogging some other girl! It's been a month Mary, a _month_! You know he's never had a girlfriend longer than a month, why should I be any different?"

"Because he's totally besotted with you Lily, any fool can see that! You said yourself that you're probably just making a mountain out of a mole-hill!"

"Oh please, don't quote me! I was just trying to reassure myself so that I wouldn't go completely bonkers if you thought I had a reason to worry as well."

"But you don't," she insisted. "He's probably just distracted by something else today, he'll be hovering about you in no time."

"Yeah, distracted by Belle Cartwright," Lily said sulkily.

"Belle Cartwright?" asked Mary with a frown. "Why would he be…_oh._"

Mary tutted.

"Lily, when I said this morning that they were in the library together, I only meant that they were talking. They weren't locked at the lips and ripping each others clothes off or anything-"

"Please," said Lily, wincing. "Don't put those kinds of images in my head, I can't bear it."

"Don't be ridiculous," said Mary. "The only person James wants to rip the clothes off is you and you know it."

Lily blushed.

"That's not true. A few days ago it might've been but not anymore. He's _bored_ of me Mary, he is! I should've known he would get bored of me soon. Severus said-"

"_Snape?" _Mary said sharply. "What's _Snape_ got to do with this?"

"He only reminded me that James usually moves on after a month."

"Why that little snake! I told you there was no sense in being friends with him Lily, it was lucky you broke it off when you did."

"He was only warning me-"

"Look, Lily – James is no Henry the Eighth okay? And by that I don't mean he's not a fat, impotent wife-killer (although I sincerely hope James isn't), I just mean that he's hardly going to chuck away every girl that comes his way. He'd be alone forever if he did that! He had some other girlfriends, sure, and yes – he did break up with them after a month or less, but only because he knew they weren't right for him! And you Lily are most definitely, undeniably, unequivocally right for him. So get off your little bottom, stop worrying, and go ask your darling boyfriend if he wants to meet you on the Quidditch pitch in ten minutes for a post-luncheon snog."

Lily looked up at her friend, hoping beyond hope that she was right and feeling a little less worried all of a sudden. The panic that had been rising within her had subsided with Mary's words and she was so grateful that she hugged her right then and there.

"Thanks Lily but I can't help feeling you should be saving the affection for James."

Mary nudged her slightly in encouragement and Lily stood with confidence. She'd been so silly! Why had she been expecting James to come to her all the time? Mary was right, Lily needed to go and speak to him instead. She marched down the hall to where James sat.

"Lily!" said Sirius cheerfully. "Where've you been all my life?"

James turned in his seat to see her and gave her a wide smile, quelling every last worry Lily had been dwelling on.

"Stringently avoiding you Sirius, as I'd advise most self-respecting girls to do."

"You know not to use big words with Sirius, Lily. You'll only confuse him."

Sirius hit Remus lightly on the arm for this remark and Lily laughed. James had taken one of Lily's hands in his own and after kissing her palm briefly, he began intertwining their fingers and pulling her down onto his lap. In her previous state Lily would've convinced herself that James was doing this out of guilt, knowing that he was about to dump her and trying to ease it as much as possible. But _this_ Lily was more self-assured and so happily sat on his lap as he wrapped his arms around her waist and gave her a quick kiss.

"Is everything alright?" he asked her quietly as his friends continued to play 'Who can catapult the most peas at McGonagall without getting caught in the act?' on the other side of the table. "I noticed Snape was bothering you in Potions this morning."

"It was nothing," said Lily, waving it aside with her hand. "I can deal with Snape."

"I know you can," said James with a smile. "I won't make the mistake of trying to defend you after what happened at the end of fifth year."

"I'm glad you've learnt your lesson," said Lily brightly. "Listen, are you free after lunch? I thought we could go for a walk outside?"

"Er, actually," began James, looking extremely nervous as he ran a hand through his thick black hair. "I'm sort of busy after lunch."

At this the other Marauders paused in their game and Sirius still had his spoon positioned in a rather suspicious position as McGonagall glanced around sharply for the culprit of the pea pelting she was receiving.

"Are you?" asked Sirius.

It wasn't often the Marauders ever did anything apart and so it was quite a shock to them to know that James was busy with something which didn't involve them _or_ Lily.

"What are you doing after lunch Prongs?" asked Remus.

James looked flustered and glanced up at Lily's face uncertainly before looking at Remus.

"I've – er…got to go see McGonagall about scheduling Quidditch practice," he said, but Lily could see by the way he was looking at them that he was trying to convey something else to his friends through this message, and whatever it was, they quickly caught on. Well, at least Remus did.

"Oh," said Remus, nudging Sirius and Peter who sat either side of him. "Yeah, Quidditch practice, right."

"You did say something about that now I think about it," said Sirius.

Peter, clearly desperate to contribute something, nodded vigorously in support.

Lily felt that panic rising within her again and it was impossible to hold it down. She could tell they were lying, which was surprising since they were usually so good at it, but this excuse was as transparent as Nearly-Headless Nick. What was James busy doing that he couldn't tell her about? Lily didn't really want to ponder on that question. She was doing it again; she was being one of those clingy girlfriends who have to know what their boyfriends are doing every second of every day. Did she dare ask what she so desperately wanted to know? Surely she'd just seem even more clingy? But she couldn't stop herself.

"Where were you this morning at breakfast?" she blurted out.

She could almost see the sweat on James' brow now. His eyes darted towards Remus for help.

"Marauder business kept us up late last night Lil, sorry. We were all out cold this morning."

Lily knew what that meant. 'Marauder business' meant it was private, whatever it was, and they weren't about to tell her what exactly was keeping them up late last night. She could let that go – secrets between the Marauders were fine by her – but as for the pathetic excuses he was making to prevent spending time with her after lunch; well, she wasn't falling for that. She jumped up from his lap so suddenly that she almost sent James flying off the bench.

"Right," she said awkwardly. "Well, I'll see you later then."

And with that she was marching off back down the hall to her previous seat.

"So?" asked Mary with a smile. "You booked in for a session after lunch?"

"He's busy," said Lily weakly. "He's busy after lunch."

"What?!" Mary exclaimed. "Busy? Busy with _what_ exactly?"

"He didn't say."

"And you made it clear that when you said 'go for a walk after lunch' you most definitely meant 'go snog each other senseless for a couple of hours' and not just 'go for a jaunt by the lake'?"

"I would hope that the thought of spending any time with me would be enough – snogging or not."

"Well yes, but he's a boy Lily. Every boy has testosterone which means every boy will be thinking about snogging. What could be so important that he would pass that up?"

"Maybe he's not passing up a bit of snogging," said Lily, holding back her tears. "Maybe it just won't be _me_ he's snogging."

"Stop right there!" commanded Mary. "If I have to say this ten times a minute to get it into that thick head of yours I will Lily; He. Is. Not. Cheating. On - oh Merlin don't turn around."

"What? What?" Lily said frantically, whipping her head about.

"No!" said Mary in an attempt to stop her but it was too late, Lily had seen. Her eyes froze on the sight of James leaving the Great Hall with Belle Cartwright bobbing along happily beside him.

"My life's over," Lily said tonelessly as she slumped in her seat and rested her forehead on the table beside her plate.

"Bloody ding dong Lily, don't be such a drama queen! It's probably just a coincidence that they've walked out at the same time."

"Just like it was a coincidence he was with her this morning too?"

Mary pointed an accusing finger at her and looked stern before saying, "You're reading too much into this."

"I'm reading just the right amount into this."

"I bet he _is_ just making a Quidditch practice schedule with McGonagall."

"Really? You would've though McGonagall would need to be present for that," Lily said dryly as she looked at the professor who was still being bombarded with peas every now and then.

Mary's jaw dropped.

"Right," she said, lost for words. "Well…well maybe he's just tutoring her in some subject. Everyone knows he's the best in our year in Transfiguration."

"And everyone knows she's one of the cleverest witches in our year too, she's not going to need tutoring. _Coincidently, _she just happens to be one of the prettiest girls in our year too."

"Not as clever or as pretty as you are."

"It's not going to work Mary, all the flattery in the world couldn't make me feel better."

"It's _true_," she insisted. "You should have more confidence in yourself, and more trust in James."

"I _do_ trust James."

"Funny that, it doesn't really sound like you trust him."

"My trust is just wavering a little right now, okay?"

Lily looked so forlorn that Mary couldn't bring herself to force her into snapping out of it.

"I know it looks bad right now," said Mary. "But don't go jumping to conclusions like you usually do."

Lily didn't reply.

"Besides, even if he is planning on breaking up with you, it's his loss."

"That's not a comfort to me Mary since I'd rather not lose _him_."

"You really are in pretty deep aren't you?"

"If I miss him after half a day? Yeah, I'd say I am in pretty deep."

Lily had a plan. Yes, a plan. Her plan was to completely ignore James. Childish, admittedly, but she'd tried waiting patiently, she'd tried talking to him. Ignoring him was practically the only thing left to do.

After seeing James and Belle enter the History of Magic classroom together and taking two seats beside each other at the back of the classroom, Lily refused to look anyway near her boyfriend and his new golden-haired companion. To her chagrin, both James and Belle looked as though they'd just run a mile. They're robes were ruffled, their cheeks were burning and they'd only just arrived in time for the start of the lesson. Lily tried to control her mind but she couldn't stop it from conjuring images of the two of them wrapped around each other in the Astronomy tower after lunch, rushing down the stairs to get to the lesson in time.

_Busy indeed_, she thought resentfully, shooting a look over her shoulder at the happy couple. If only Mary was in this class, then she'd have someone to sympathise with her, or give her some support. As it was, although she was friends with everyone in this class, none of them were really _close_ friends of hers. She was sitting beside Alice Reynolds, who was always nice and friendly, but it was difficult for Lily to sit next to a girl who had such a _perfect_ boyfriend and who Alice really couldn't seem to stop talking about. Lily sighed in relief at the arrival of Professor Binns. Well, there's a first for everything – and being thankful for the beginning of a History of Magic lesson was most certainly one of those.

But ignoring James was easier said than done. After the first five minutes of the lesson, in which James had repeatedly hissed her name to get her attention and Lily had resolutely ignored him, she suddenly jerked in her seat in surprise as something hit the back of her head and rebounded back off. She looked around with a frown and saw Hugo Hardy holding out a little ball of parchment to her which had just fallen onto his desk. A few seats behind him James was as innocent as ever, head bent over his work as he took notes and if Lily hadn't spotted the ripped corner of his parchment, even _she _wouldn't have suspected him.

She hesitated to take the note. James wouldn't be so cruel as to dump her in the middle of a lesson would he? On a piece of _parchment_? No, no-one would do that, not even the most unscrupulous cad. Huffing, as though it really wasn't worth her time, Lily took the proffered piece of parchment and unfolded it. Upon reading the words written upon the parchment in James' handwriting, Lily almost choked upon a sob and had to restrain herself forcefully.

_Meet me__ in the Entrance Hall after lessons, I need to speak to you._

_Love __James_

Lily shut her eyes and scrunched the note back up in her hand. _Well at least he has the decency to do it face-to-face,_ she thought with remorse. He could conduct a quick break-up in the Entrance Hall before going into supper to sit by Belle, it fit perfectly. Who would expect anything less than the perfect break-up from James Potter? After-all, he was so practised at doing them now. She didn't see why he was even bothering with the 'Love' since she really wasn't feeling it right now. So this was it, the end of James and Lily. Lily and James. She was okay, she could deal with this, it was all okay.

But if she was okay then what was that burning sensation behind her eyes, and why had they suddenly become so blurry?

Lily bit her lip and forced the tears back down. She could hear people whispering behind her but it was only when Alice tried to whisper in her ear did she bother to pay any attention.

"What was that?" Lily asked quietly, not that Professor Binns would really notice if she spoke at normal volume.

"I said," Alice whispered, "James says 'Did you feed my goat'?"

_What?! What goat?__ James has a goat?_

Lily couldn't make heads or tails of this message and so turned in her seat to face James who was looking at her enquiringly. She fought the urge to burst into hysterics at the mere sight of him.

'_What?" _she mouthed.

"_Did you read my note?" _he mouthed back.

Oh, now _that_ made sense.

Lily gave a brief nod of her head and turned back to the front, determined to keep calm about it all. She was dreading the end of the class, which of course made it come along all the more swiftly. The sound of Binns telling them they could all pack up was the signal that James and Lily's relationship was over, but Lily tried to put it off as long as possible by packing up her books at a snail's pace. Eventually however, it came to the point where she couldn't stall any longer, and so she walked to the Entrance Hall and descended the stone staircase as though she was ascending the steps to the gallows.

There he was, standing beside the staircase and wringing his hands. Was he nervous? He was well aware of the kind of temper she possessed so she supposed he really _should_ be nervous when he was about to dump her after a month when he had pursued her for six years.

He looked up at her as she came to stand right in front of him and gave her a weak smile.

"Hi Lily," he said.

"Hello."

Both of them looked at each other nervously. She hated this, _hated _it! She wasn't ready to break up with him, she didn't want to. Well, if this was the end maybe she could get in one last hug. Lily stepped closer and threw her arms about his neck. This startled James but he wrapped his arms about her too once he realised she wasn't attacking him and they stood there in a tight embrace.

"I've missed you," she said quietly, her voice slightly muffled by his chest which she had pressed herself against.

"You have?" he asked, sounding puzzled.

His voice murmuring warmly against her ear made her want to hold him forever. Merlin it was difficult to be angry at this boy, even after she knew he'd been cheating on her and was about to dump her. She used to find it so easy to be angry with him. Maybe that's why he was bored of her now, because she didn't yell at him anymore – she didn't make it exciting. She couldn't blame him really, she'd get bored of her too.

"Yeah."

"But I spoke to you at lunch."

"Not for very long."

Oh dear, she really _was_ becoming clingy. _Stop it Lily_, she told herself sternly, _stop it right now, you're only making this more awkward for him._

Lily drew away from him with a sigh. She could see he looked even more nervous now and suddenly she felt awful for making him feel even worse about dumping her.

"But – er – what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" she asked, holding herself together and willing herself to look him in the eye, those beautiful, hazel - oh _Merlin_, she really was pathetic!

"I just wanted to – um – okay," he said, running a hand through his hair. "I – I know we've only been going out a month okay?"

"Yes," she said tonelessly, knowing full well what was coming.

"Yeah, so um – yeah, a month. And I – I want you to know that I've had the most incredible time with you."

Right, so he'd got the 'You're great, it's been great' thing out the way which obviously paved the way for the whole 'It's not you, it's me' thing. Or would he divert and go for the 'Let's just be friends' path? He could do both, sometimes they liked to round the whole thing off with a pleasant 'Let's be friends'. Lily had been dumped before, she knew how it worked.

"But…"

Ah yes, the 'but', there was always a but.

"But – er…actually, I don't think this is the right place to do this."

He really was taking his time wasn't he? You'd have thought that someone with so much experience with this kind thing would be able to get it over with a little quicker. Maybe she should help him.

"Look James," she began. "It's okay, I understand."

"You – you do?"

"Yeah, I do. And like you said, it's been great, but maybe it is time we ended it."

Lies, all lies! But what was the point in going out with someone who was no longer interested in going out with you? None at all really. Then again, why was James looking so confused and…and _upset?_

"What?" He asked, his voice breaking. "You – are you breaking up with me?"

"If that's what you want," said Lily folding her arms and not daring to look up at his face lest she break down. "Then yes. I'm sorry, you can still tell everyone that you were the one to dump me. Although they'll probably guess that anyway once you start going out with Belle instead."

"Belle?!" he exclaimed, blinking rapidly. "Belle Cartwright? What's this got to do with her? Look at me Lily, please."

Lily couldn't, she just couldn't. She turned her face to the side as though to turn away from him completely, anything to keep herself from looking at him. She knew he wouldn't confess, and in a way she didn't really want him to. At least this way they could both part ways pretending it had all been good and honest right until the very end.

But James didn't agree, he wouldn't let her just walk away from it all. Instead he slid his hand beneath her chin and forced her to look up at him. Lily was horrified to see the expression on his face. It was almost _scary_ to see him so torn, bordering on angry now. James had always been a boy of powerful, colourful emotions; but this reaction was something shocking for Lily to witness.

"Lily, what the hell are you going on about?"

"Please James, I'm trying to make this easier for both of us."

"Trying to make _what_ easier?" he asked, throwing his arms up in exasperation. "I don't get it Lily! I thought we were happy, I thought _you_ were – what the doxy do you mean 'if it's what _I _want'? Merlin Lily, could you be any more confusing?"

"Could _you_?" she retorted, getting as angry as he was.

Some stragglers coming along late to supper paused outside the doors to the Great Hall as though to listen in on the argument like everyone used to do when James and Lily had arguments, but a sharp look from James sent them on their way.

"One minute you're trying to find the words to dump me and next you're angry at _me_ for getting a head-start."

"Have you been Confunded Evans? You really think that after six years dedicated to stalking you I'd want to end it after a month?!"

"Oh, back to last names are we now Potter?! Well let me tell you-" suddenly Lily's angry yells came to a halt as she stared wide-eyed at her equally confused boyfriend. "Wait, you…you mean you don't want to break up with me?"

"No," he said shortly, arching one dark eyebrow. "But clearly this is wishful thinking from you."

"But I – I thought you were bored of me? I thought you liked Belle?"

James looked at her in disbelief. He appeared to be fighting the urge to take her in his arms, so angry was he that she could ever doubt him, but inevitably he gave in. He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into his chest.

"I'm going out with you Lily, why would I want Belle?"

"Because she's perfect?" suggested Lily, her cheek pressed against his robes.

"Still not you," he said lightly.

"So I'm not perfect?" she asked indignantly, leaning back to look him in the face.

He gave her a roguish grin – the one that secretly made her want to forget about the rest of the world and stay with him forever – not that she'd ever admit that.

"Far from it," he said. "But then again, you're _you_."

"Wow, fantastic observation James," drawled Lily. "You thinking of becoming an Auror?"

"It's on the cards."

James leaned his forehead against hers and sighed.

"Are we okay then? You're not going to try and dump me again?"

"As long as you're not going to try and dump me."

"It hadn't even crossed my mind," he said.

They stood there in silence for a while and the sounds of students enjoying their supper could be heard from the Great Hall.

"What on earth made you think I wanted to?"

"You've been avoiding me," she accused sheepishly.

"I've been doing no such thing!"

"You've barely spoken to me all day!"

"I've been busy!" he defended.

"With Belle?" she asked delicately.

He looked down at her with furrowed eyebrows.

"Yes, I was busy with Belle; but I wasn't doing what you think I was."

"What were you doing then?"

He sighed.

"I was hoping to get something else out the way first, but I guess I'll show you this thing now."

"What thing?" she asked curiously as James grabbed her hand and led her out the front doors onto the grounds. "James, where are you taking me?"

"To Hagrid's," he said briskly.

"Hagrid's? Is there any particular reason we're going to Hagrid's James?"

"A very good reason," he said as they approached the wooden house with smoke coiling up into the darkening sky. The sky was stained pink and orange with the sunset but Lily had little time to admire it as James knocked on the door and they heard a shuffling from inside.

"Well number me among the confused," Lily mumbled but James ignored her.

Hagrid opened the door and peered out, holding back a frantically restless puppy by the collar. Even at such a small size, it was large enough to cause considerable damage to both Lily and James.

"Back Fang," said Hagrid firmly.

Hagrid saw Lily's agitated face and gave her a comforting smile.

"No need to worry Lily, he wouldn't hurt a fly! Been waiting for you both," he said. "Had to keep Fang from mauling 'em so they're in the backroom James."

"Thanks very much Hagrid, I really appreciate this."

"Not a problem James, not at all!"

Once the door was closed behind them Hagrid allowed Fang to bound forward and leap up at James, resting his front paws on James' thighs. James reached down to pet the doting dog on the head and didn't seem at all perturbed by the saliva steadily dripping form the boarhound's jaws onto his robes.

"Good boy," he said. "Here Hagrid, do you mind holding him for a minute while Lily and I go into the backroom."

"Alright, come on Fang, come 'ere."

Fang dropped to the floor and obediently padded over to stand by Hagrid who held his collar tightly. Although Lily had always gotten on very well with Hagrid, she had never visited him in his house before, and she looked around curiously, rather liking the cosy feel of the wooden house with it's rustic aspect.

"Over here," said James, pulling Lily along with him to the back of the house. He opened a wooden door which gave a loud creak, and pushed Lily inside before following her in.

To Lily's surprise, they were in a small room with a tiny square window at the back. This room was probably used as a closet for someone of Hagrid's size. On the floor, amongst the muddle of boxes, tools and various 'How to' guides on a number of different species each as dangerous as the next, was a wicker basket containing a pile of blankets.

Wait, no, by the dwindling light filtering through the dirty panes of glass, Lily could make out something moving inside the basket, _several _things actually.

"They're Belle's," said James, bending down and reaching a hand inside to stroke one of the tiny furry creatures. Lily bent down next to him and saw, curled up asleep in the blankets, several fluffy kittens. "Her cat had a litter and since you're only allowed one pet in the castle, she asked Hagrid to look after them for her until she can take them home."

"They're adorable," said Lily softly, almost cooing when one of the little kittens raised it's head, yawned and blinked up at them blearily, revealing piercing green eyes.

James turned his head to look at her.

"Pick one."

"What?" asked a startled Lily.

"Pick one," he repeated.

"James," said Lily calmly. "I can't do that, they're Belle's."

"I know, but this morning after I heard her asking Hagrid how they were doing I asked her whether I could buy one from her."

"And she said you could?"

"Only too happily," said James grinning. "Wouldn't even let me pay. Apparently her parents aren't going to be best pleased to pick her up from platform 9¾ with a basket full of kittens so the fewer the better really. She brought me down here after lunch so I could have a look."

Lily gazed at him.

"And _I_ can have one?" Lily asked disbelievingly. She'd never had a pet at Hogwarts, _never_, not even an owl. How did James know how much she'd always wanted a cat? It wasn't the first time she'd suspected he was a Legilimens.

"Whichever one you want," he replied brightly.

Lily looked back into the basket at the kittens, who were all beginning to stir now as they realised they had visitors. She could see there were about four of them, all different combinations of colours, but she already knew which one she wanted. Reaching into the basket she slid a hand beneath the midnight black kitten with the bright green eyes and smiled as it looked right back at her curiously.

"I thought you would like him," said James.

"Him?"

"Yep. You got a name?"

Lily sat there with the kitten curled up on her lap as she stroked him

"What do you think about Magic?" she asked him

"It's your choice, he's your cat after all," said James. "But if it makes any difference, I like Magic."

Lily grinned.

"Magic it is."

James leaned towards her so that his face was beside hers and stroked Magic's ear with one finger.

"About before," said James. "I wanted to say something important."

Lily paused in her actions and glanced at him apprehensively.

"What was it?" she asked. James was rarely serious and on the occasions when he was, she knew it was something important. He looked nervous again, but she hoped he wouldn't take as long over this as he had before. "Come on James, it'll be easier if you just get it out quickly."

"Okay," he said. "Okay, but please don't feel pressured or anything. Only, I was thinking that maybe this Christmas you'd like to come and stay at my house?"

James looked bashful and Lily could see a blush creeping up his neck. She too felt equally diffident all of a sudden.

"And your parents will be there?" she asked weakly.

"Well…yeah, they do tend to hang around my house during the holidays," he said smiling. "Pests."

Lily laughed although it came out as a nervous giggle. Oh dear, if Lily was giggling she was definitely out of her wits.

"Sorry," she said. "I just can't believe I'm about to meet the parents."

"So you'll come?!" he asked, hanging somewhere between anxiety and excitement.

"If you promise not to drag me into your neighbourhood pranks with Sirius then yes, I'd love to."

Lily didn't think she'd ever seen James look so happy, excepting perhaps the time she'd agreed to be his girlfriend. He gently lifted Magic, set him back in the basket, and lifted Lily onto his lap instead.

"You can probably tell I'm pretty serious about you and me," he said quietly, before kissing her temple and pressing several more down the side of her face until he reached her lips, but she spoke before he could claim them.

"So I don't need to worry about you straying?" she asked him with a smile.

"Neh, It's okay, I think can settle for you."

"Well as long as you're sure about that, I hate to be a burden," said Lily.

"I'm happy to bear it," he said, finally halting any further conversation by pressing his lips against her own.

Lily didn't feel the need to say anything else. As Fang barked madly in the next room and Hagrid made a futile attempt to hush him, Lily wrapped her arms around James' neck as he pulled her in closer and showed her just how much he needed her. She should've known really, she mulled to herself while the dying sun glowed hot in the window and James' soft hands and lips caressed her, James would be lost without her. He was hers and she was his, nothing could make them leave each other now; not even death itself.

_A/N – I'd love a review from those of you who managed to reach the end without dropping dead half way through!_


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